wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
