I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
