I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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