loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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