Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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