Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
