I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
