Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
