did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
