Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
