I could have mohawked her pubes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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