Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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