If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
