Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
