She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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