So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
