Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
