Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
