had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
