Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
