I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
