I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
