he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
