i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
