I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
