If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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