Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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