his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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