gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
