We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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