I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
