Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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