I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
