Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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