We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
