Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
