I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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