Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
