Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
