just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
