i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
