You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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