And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
