my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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