you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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