cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
