P.S. I can't hear my feet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is my gift to your gina
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
