she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
