when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
