Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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