a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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