dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
